I'm three-quarters of the way through a post I started a couple months ago about the process of buying an entertainment award. The post shines a light on the time, money and effort companies put into media campaigns to drum up support for a show or movie to win awards. It's a combination of personal experience, historical data and harsh opinion. I may still publish it, but not now. Truth is, anything I say about an award this week will be turned into Sheenian pulp.
Clearly, my Twitter Emmy set got a lot of play this week. It started out making me giggle, then as it was picked up and spun into poison, it made me cringe. I got calls from Christian relatives I didn't even know I had, telling me that Jesus could still save my soul. Any of you who watch the show, know what my response was to that outreach. I then tried to give the tweets some context later on in the day, but that got Levinized as well. Even as I type this blog, I know it will be turned into something desperate and ill-intended.
But I'm not really a crawl-in-the-hole-and-wait-for-it-to-pass kinda guy. So I'll say a few words to put it to bed... until next July. First off, I'd like to apologize to my wife for including her in several of my ruder tweets. Unlike me, Katey is an enormously private person and sometimes the negative shit I stir up baffles her. She loves and supports me, but when folks start attacking me for my bombastic behavior, it upsets her. I need to do a better job distancing her from shit they may blow back on both of us.
As for the Emmys -- as much as I think my cast and crew deserved a slew of them, I was not expecting any nominations this year. Even for Katey. I saw her Golden Globe heat wane by April and I knew she was going to be left off the ballot. So Thursday's dismiss was not a surprise. It stung and it was disappointing, but not a shock.
Last month I wrote this blog:
Fair enough. I'm not claiming I didn't mean to tweet them or they were a mistake. I put it out there and I'll take the hit. I don't apologize or default on anything. Quite the opposite, the backlash gives me a greater sense of resolve. Fuck 'em. In hindsight, I guess the intent of the twitter jag was to shine a light on the absurdity of the awards and the weight people (like me) give them. The truth: I HATE that I was disappointed. I hate that I was disappointed, more than I hate the actual rejection. It's fucked that a bunch of half-attentive couch-sitters who don't watch half the shit they are voting for decide who gets a piece of fake gold -- and that's what it takes for me to feel worthy. Fuck. I'm embarrassed to say how much I crave that douchebag trophy. (There's your headline, cunts).
That obvious confession out of the way, clearly I feel that the Emmy voting is a very flawed process. I'm not saying that those who are nominated or win are not deserving, I'm just saying not ALL of the nominees or winners deserve the kudos. It has never been, nor under the current structure, will it ever be an accurate measure of quality. In my opinion, the only award that is a true measure of excellence in television is the TCA award. Voted on by educated individuals, inside a controlled, payola-free system. (Didn't see me going off when we didn't get any of them did you?)
Anyway. Below are all my Emmy tweets. Nothing edited out. In order, from last to first. You decide if they are tabloid worthy. Let me know where you land. I'll be out in the backyard picking poppies with the warlocks.
As for the Emmys -- as much as I think my cast and crew deserved a slew of them, I was not expecting any nominations this year. Even for Katey. I saw her Golden Globe heat wane by April and I knew she was going to be left off the ballot. So Thursday's dismiss was not a surprise. It stung and it was disappointing, but not a shock.
Last month I wrote this blog:
SEASON 4 UPDATE... AND SOME CUNTLESS EMMY THOUGHTS
I had every intention of honoring that. I really wasn't going to weigh in at all. I began with a couple innocuous remarks about taking the nominees out to lunch. I was having fun. My followers were digging it, so I kept going. They got darker, more absurd and in my twisted, little mind, funnier. But apparently, me and my twits were the only ones laughing.Fair enough. I'm not claiming I didn't mean to tweet them or they were a mistake. I put it out there and I'll take the hit. I don't apologize or default on anything. Quite the opposite, the backlash gives me a greater sense of resolve. Fuck 'em. In hindsight, I guess the intent of the twitter jag was to shine a light on the absurdity of the awards and the weight people (like me) give them. The truth: I HATE that I was disappointed. I hate that I was disappointed, more than I hate the actual rejection. It's fucked that a bunch of half-attentive couch-sitters who don't watch half the shit they are voting for decide who gets a piece of fake gold -- and that's what it takes for me to feel worthy. Fuck. I'm embarrassed to say how much I crave that douchebag trophy. (There's your headline, cunts).
That obvious confession out of the way, clearly I feel that the Emmy voting is a very flawed process. I'm not saying that those who are nominated or win are not deserving, I'm just saying not ALL of the nominees or winners deserve the kudos. It has never been, nor under the current structure, will it ever be an accurate measure of quality. In my opinion, the only award that is a true measure of excellence in television is the TCA award. Voted on by educated individuals, inside a controlled, payola-free system. (Didn't see me going off when we didn't get any of them did you?)
Anyway. Below are all my Emmy tweets. Nothing edited out. In order, from last to first. You decide if they are tabloid worthy. Let me know where you land. I'll be out in the backyard picking poppies with the warlocks.
wow. i'm exhausted. and... oh, my god. i came. i have to shower and eat some vegan pudding. see ya later, cunts.
you do know that i'm really okay with no noms right? if i was really upset, i wouldn't be ranting. i'd be plotting. i'm all about the love.
i'm glad i promised my wife i wouldn't comment on the snub, god knows what i might have said.
if my mom and dad were alive this emmy snub would kill them. that's not true, they were too old to understand my show. just like the academy
saw two academy members on the gold course. one asked the other what club to use. then they both died because they were so fucking old.
broke into an academy member's porn locker. found sticky fully-clothed photos of mariska hargitay, kathy bates...and matt weiner. very odd.
these two academy member walk into a bar. one orders a beer. then they both die because they're so fucking old.
FNL gives me hope. maybe S7 of SOA will get nominated -- when the guys have all become doctors and lawyers who sing in a fucking choir.
@sutterink at least you arent bitter, a lot of guys would be firing shots at the academy, not you! Taking it like a man. I applaud you sir
@PJASchultz i love ryan murphy. he's always very cool with me. love glee too. just tired of all the jizz piling up at its feet.
i envision every academy member having sex with a cheap, light blue poly-cotton sheet between penis and vagina.
my next blog post: HOW NETWORKS BUY EMMYS. stay tuned, it's gonna be delicious... and probably get me fired.
because you know if we were nominated i'd be all humble and blowing smoke up their asses. now i can stay true to myself and just be a dick.
best part of not getting an emmy nod. now i don't have to pretend i give a shit about the profiteering douchebag academy.
the worse part of not getting an emmy nod. katey promised me a threesome if she won. now i have to settle for me, her and the shaved bunny.
the worse part of not getting any emmy nods is all the wasted blowjobs i gave at the academy picnic. my breath still smells like sour amonia
E! needs to hire @sutterink and put him on the red carpet. Unchecked Id + Abundant Cursing + Brilliant Wit + Not Giving a Shit = Awesome.
BTW. not saying we deserved any emmys, i just like to be included. and let's face it, the only reason you follow me is to hear the word CUNT
fuck glee. hate those annoying, "please accept me for who i am", singing brats. there, i said it. are you happy?
me, david simon and frank darabont are meeting at home depot to rent chainsaws and woodchippers.
I'm assuming David Simon doesn't even bother checking anymore, but the Emmy oversight continues. Nothing of substance for Treme. Wow.
sorry @JohnSolbergFX. midnight strikes, i'm burning bridges. you and FX might be standing on one.
my very classy, ever grateful and humble wife forbade me from using the word CUNT today. so i'll wait till midnight to address the emmy noms
congrats FX on justified and louie. your emmy strategy worked.
