WTF SUTTER #16

Not quite sure what's going on with the hair.  I look like an Hasidic Skaterboy.  Enjoy.

LITTLE SELF

I was at the shrink yesterday.  Like that should come as a surprise to anyone.  I've been going a lot lately.  What brings me to the couch?  It's not the stress of the show.  On the contrary, work is my escape.  I crave 16-hour days.  It's not the noise I create with my big opinions.  If I'm being completely honest, all that shit kinda fuels me.  It makes me feel vital.  Gets me sporting Lenny Bruce wood.  It's not my marriage.  That's the one thing I've done right in the past 8 years.  So what brings me to therapy?  My kid.  I'm sure this is every parent's dilemma, so I know it's nothing new, but my developing relationship with my daughter brings me face to face with my own, unresolved, fucked-up, juvenile pain.  

My frustration and challenges with Esme rarely have anything to do with Esme.  I am becoming very aware that children give us the opportunity to work shit out we couldn't when we were young.  I don't mean that I'm not attentive or present for her, I just mean that as I grow as a father and struggle giving her what she needs, I realize that it's often something I needed myself and never received.  And until I acknowledge that need in Kurt, I can't fill it in Esme.  In other words, I have to grow up to be a grown up

The truth is, I would never have taken the time or energy to go back to therapy if it wasn't for my kid.  I desperately do not want to fuck her up.  Katey's done a remarkable job raising her two kids and I want Esme to have that same chance.  I just want her to land on the right side of happy.  The pursuit to achieve that is turning out to be incredibly revelatory.

By example: I know I have a reputation for being aggressive and angry, and I've clearly earned that sway.  But the truth is, it's more a persona than it is the person.  I'm a pretty quiet dude and I really dislike confrontation.  The problem that I struggle with in pretty much all areas of my life is balance.  I have trouble finding the middle range in anything.  I often go from a one to a ten in a single thought.  So my behavior can be erratic and unpredictable.  Then I made this simple discovery when I was working on some patience issues around my daughter -- When I was a kid, I couldn't get anyone to listen to me.  I had a voice, it just wasn't connecting to any ears.  So I learned at an early age that if level one wasn't working, two through nine sure as hell weren't gonna work, so let's go right to fucking ten and stir shit up.  That was the only way I could get an audience.  That's not a skill set that I consciously established or one that I was even fully aware of until my kid forced me to look at it.  So now I have some context for behavior.  Clearly awareness alone isn't enough.  One must actually take contrary action to apply change.  And as usual for me, it's always one tweet forward, three tweets back.

I share all this here because this stuff is just as important as my gripes.  More importantly actually.  My rants are the results of circumstance hitting my character.  These personal entries are slow to percolate and speak to my journey.  Process is always much more interesting and revealing than results.  All my work, hard and soft, defines me as an artist and a man.  As I grow.  As I change.  As I fall down.  As I slide back.  As I burn.  As I resurrect.  As I shave the bunny.

SEASON 4 UPDATE

As we close in on the premier, I wanted to bring folks up to speed on the show.  The one I write.  Sons of Anarchy premiers of September 6th and the 90 minute episode kicks off what I think will be a very satisfying season for fans.  The feedback from folks who have already seen it has been very positive.  

I want to thank the SOA fans for making this job so satisfying.  Really, your enthusiasm and support is unparallelled.  Some days knowing how much you dig what we do is my greatest motivator.  It's the only thing I miss about Twitter, talking to you... or I guess talking at you.  

I know it's difficult for fans to wait nine months between seasons so I've tried to keep folks plugged in through social media and the iPhone and Android app.  The additional content scenes were a way to give fans an inside peek at the season as well as provide some backstory to the 14 month narrative time gap between seasons 3 and 4.  The third additional content scene, TARA AND PINEY, will hit the FX Facebook page first on 8/22, then the app on 8/24.  We promised marketing the exclusive first on this one, that's why it's hitting social media before the app.  The first two additional content scenes, PAYPHONE and SECOND SON are available now on the FX Facebook page.  

Above is the banner that will be flying over a beach near you.  I hope you join us.